Subservient Being Total Quality Management Questionnaire

1 How did You aquire or find out about Your subservient being? Check all that apply.
Prayers interrupted My Sabbath rest
Discovered taking attendance
Found cowering at alter
Went shopping at Dieties R Us
Woke to the scent of burning incense
Hymns of praise were making the dog howl
Took out an ad in Subservient Beings Weekly
I'm omniscient
A brother/sister Diety referred him/her/it to Me
Discovered playing a bit part in a Passion Play
Was on the cross next to Me
Caught while he/she/it was stomping out My burning bush
Created him/her/it from nothing
Created him/her/it from a previous subservient being

2 Which incarnation(s) are You currently manifesting, have manifested in the last 7 days or expect to manifest in upcoming appearances? Check all that apply.
Jehovah
Jesus
Kristna
Zeus
Odin
Allah
Gaia
Ra
Vishnu
Buddha
Kali
Durga
Barney the Purple Dinosaur
Other - specify below

3 Was Your subservient being in good working order when discovered with no major flaws requiring miraculous intervention to repair?
Yes - My subservient being displayed model worship from day one.
No - My subservient being required major modifications before he/she/it was worthy of worshipping Me..
If the previous answer was No please describe the being's flaws in more detail below. Check all that apply.
Stomps out My burning shrubbery
Worships other dieties
Fails to acknowledge My omnipotence
Fails to acknowledge My omniscience and insists on telling Me everything
Talks to his dog more often that Me
Constantly seeking My wishes on insignificant issues
Fails to heed My wishes
Uses second-best lamb for burnt offerings
Hymns of praise keep making My dogs howl
Talks to Me in an ancient language
Refuses to talk to Me in an ancient language
Blames all of his/her/its problems on Me
Is doing his/her/its part to make virgin sacrifices impossible
Likes Barney the Purple Dinosaur
Use the text box below if Your subservient beings flaws could not be adequately described above.
4 What factors played a part in Your decision to aquire a subservient being?
All My diety Friends from school have moved away
I'm a diety - I require subservient beings
Had some burning shrubbery to get rid of
Was bored and looking for a challenge
Needed help ridding the world of evil
Needed help filling the world with evil
My team didn't make it to the playoffs
All the other dieties have one
Was tired of lighting my own incense
Was hoping for virgin sacrifices
Dieties R Us mixed up My party mix order
Had that needing to be beseeched feeling
The summer reruns were on
The angel choir was on holiday

5 Have You had a subservient being before?
Yes but lost him/her/it in a stoning incident a few years back
Yes but found one was not enough to satisfy My divine intentions
Yes but found that there are never enough to satisfy My divine intentions
No, this is My first subservient being.

6 What types of divine intervention have You had to employ to keep Your subservient being in line with Your doctrine? Check all that apply.
Earthquakes
Flood
Famine
Plague
Migraines
Indigestion
Death of firstborn
Barney the Purple Dinosaur
Television Evangelists
Door to door salesmen
Billboards on Rte 40
Teasers/trailers at the movie theater
Fire and brimstone
Fortune cookies

7 Some subservient beings are tireless in enlisting others in the worship of their deity(s). Is this something that You have  requested of Your subservient being?
One is all that I can handle
More! More! More!
I plan to get rid of this one as soon as possible
He/she/it doesn't listen to a word I say
At least until the tenor section is complete
Until they runs out of virgins

8 Enter any other comments you feel Your subservient being needs to hear.

Thank you for taking the time to complete this questionaire. Your feedback allows Your subservient being to better address Your  requirements as his/her/its diety and perform worship worthy of Your acceptance.

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